“I feel like maybe the reason why I'm such a spiritual person is because spirituality is what got me through a lot of the childhood trauma,” said Ambar. The Earth was silent of words except for their conversation. Under their feet flew Earth, and lava and dust gave way to plant life. “I was not raised with this mindset at all,” said Ambar Lucid. “Now tell me,” he said, “how have you grown?” “Little Ambar is here to bear witness to you, so that you may see how unconditionally she loves you, and the volcanic sense of pride she feels at your adventures.” But you can – nay I insist you call me Charlie.” “I am Evolution,” he said, “taken the form of yours truly and constantly changing, Charles Darwin. A bald man with a portly beard and a smile desperate to announce itself greeted them. And the girl was evidently comforted and grabbed Ambar’s hand to express love. But a hand reached out, followed by the grey suit the cut of an older age. And void sparked forth energy in a sudden calamitous explosion, as galaxies ballooned like hot glass around Ambar and her younger self who started at crying. “In a dream,” came a raspy voice from nowhere, and the walls of the hotel bled and became void. “Where am I,” said the young Ambar Cruz, too young to have yet taken the artist’s name Ambar Lucid. To Ambar’s eyes it was a racing, foaming sea devouring itself, expanding.Īnd at once like forever, at her side was an eight-year-old Ambar. Picking up the complimentary bible, which can be a vexing book in waking hours, it was beyond that. The alarm clock in her hotel read like falling sand. She’d read a book which taught – if you can’t count your fingers, if you can’t read clocks or poems, you’re dreaming. Ambar had a massive plate of her favorite meal: rices, beans, plantain, and chicken, and she went to sleep. And they said they loved each other and goodnight. “I have to become more self-aware of like patterns that are self-destructive and call myself out on it,” she said. “I have to convince myself that I'm not in my childhood anymore because sometimes I will recreate that in my head – but like a present version of what I lived in the past,” said Ambar. Later that night, she spoke on the same topic with Gabriella over the phone. The audience around her related their experiences, which were moving images in life’s pond, bent reflections. That's why I deal with the delusion that I'm alone because that version of me still exists within me.” “But when you grow up emotionally isolated, like as a kid, that isolation follows you forever. And I've actually been reading about it and reading about other people's experience, and it's made me feel a lot less alone,” she said. “I was emotionally neglected, and that has a long-term effect on a person. And, I had to spend a lot of time babysitting my little brother and my little sister once she was born.” And I grew up very isolated because she was isolated because of that relationship. “My mom was in an abusive relationship, so she wasn't able to be there for me. I grew up in a very emotionally chaotic household,” said Ambar hesitating. “I'm the only child that my parents had, but they both had children after me.” I'm, yeah, I'm the oldest of five,” said Ambar.
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